Hey devoted follower(s),

Jo here. I haven't been on lately, because, simply I'm all talked out. That's all I do. Comfort, talk, repeat. I'm so mentally exhausted from being everybody's "rock". With everybody's husband (including Lo's) being in Iraq, I am swimming in the estrogen ocean. My employer, as I love to refer to her, is the neediest of them all. This is her first true blue deployment, and she's pretty friggin dramatic about the entire affair. I understand her pain to a point, but after that, is all this riff raff going to bring him back? No? Then shut up and go to work. Not that she's missing work, but she's threatening it. Fml. I can't deal with that all day. Then my mother... gah. Bless her heart. This is her 3rd deployment, and she's pretty weathered when it comes to deployments. There still are break through break downs, like the one she had in the cantaloupe section at Walmart. I had to rush 30 minutes across town to get to her, which is no easy task when you DON'T OWN A CAR! Funny thing, she doesn't even LIKE cantaloupe!
Anyways, then there's Lo, who, for the most part, is my star pupil. I normally get the usual "I miss him" etc. Which is no biggie, except that I think her new hubbie is actually jealous of our friendship or something. Like, I think that he's somehow worried about us hanging out too much or being too close. Either that, or he just is COMPLETELY annoyed by me. I've never really encountered this problem too much with her lovers/bfs in the past. Sure, there's been the occasional doucher who didn't like me, but they never lasted anyways, and I knew that they wouldn't. This is a little different. I'm pretty sure this one is sticking, and I'm fine with that, because I KNOW he's a great guy. Beyond that, he's actually interesting to hang out with, and miles above anyone she's ever been with. So yea, pretty sure that he finds me completely insensitive and crass. Which, of course, I am. Even more so, he says that he finds my profile pic "weird". You know what it is? A pic of Lo and I at coffee. How is THAT weird? I put it up, cause it's actually a hot pic, and I NEVER like a picture of myself... especially enough to put it ONLINE. Lo says, "He thought it was weird. I explained to him how if you're single, then you put up a pic of your bestie and yourself, instead of your significant other, LOL. He just doesn't understand how girls work yet." So he seriously thinks that we're like... ya know... into each other... like that? Like I could see if we were in a bubble bath holding champagne, and our red lipstick smeared.... ok, you should worry. I don't even know why he would be worried at all, because 50% of all communication between Lo and I now consist of newlywed stuff. Like, what undergarments to wear for him when she visits, or what she should do about this or that. OMFG the time I have spent so her bra could be the right shade of green when she went to visit him, or so that she found that peeeerrrrfect dress that made her waist look so tiny. Don't get me wrong, it's not a problem, because that's what friends do. We dote over the difference between the forest green, and jade green bras, know which cuts of fabric make our asses look awesome, and know all the best ebay sellers to make it happen. But that's what FRIENDS do, not gfs. Geezus. Someone educate this boy. Let's not even mention the complete fact of I LIKE COCK! Nay. I LOVE COCK. Gah. This girl cannot survive on fish alone. I need some meat. Some red meat. Some veiny hot, throbbing, raw, red meat.... sorry.. it's been a minute. Kinda went on a rant there, but it's just so frustrating, and I really can't discuss this with anyone really...

Beyond that, my employer is being a fucking bitch again. J. decided to let me buy his hot hot hot ass lexus for like 3k, because I FUCKING NEED A CAR. She is doing everything in her power to make it not happen. I'm just gonna be super awesome and loveable, but the need to just fucking destroy something or get in a fight with someone is rising.

I'm looking for a diet supplement that I can take, because I'm finding that I can handle soooo much more bullshit when I have energy. Those are my thoughts at the moment, but it's 1 am, and I have to get a child up, because we are curing his bedwetting. YAY!

Jo

I am so annoyed at my "employer". I feel like I'm losing myself in this "competition" that I've created. Like, we were outside eating dinner, and the 7 year old said, "I hate ". His mom says "You shouldn't use that word, it's a very strong word that you don't understand yet.". Well, isn't love? He's allowed to tell her (and me, for that matter.) that he loves her on an hourly basis. If he is expected to understand what love is, then maybe he understands hate. Like, I'm fucking defending a 7 year old using the word hate. Wtf is that about? BUT she is just sooooooooooooooooo

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unbelievably FULL OF SHIT.

OMFG, speaking of shit. So, ok, she's being really nice about letting me watch up to 4 kids in her house, so I can make enough money to get a car. Ok, props. The agreement went on further, that no matter how many kids were in here, the house needed to be clean, nothing to be broken, and I needed to make sure that the kids brought there own shit with them. (ie. lunches, entertainment stuff like crayons, etc.) So far, nothing out of the ordinary, and certainly understandable. BUT THEN. THIS BITCH. says, that she only had to buy 2 "12 packs" of toilet paper in the ENTIRETY OF THE YEAR that she lived in this house prior to my arrival. WHAT. THE. FUCK. EVER. She's trying to say that the kids have used too much toilet paper, and I have to buy it from now on, because the kids' supplies are my responsibility. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Of all the fucking schemes to save a GODDAMNED $1. I kept my temper. Thank GOD. So, after a bit of thinking "I need razors $15, acne wash $8, new shampoo and conditioner $9... how will I make this work without dipping into my savings...????" (BTW. I save everything but $30, and buy cigarettes for the week with that too. Yea....) Then, I came out of it... and she was still standing there bitching...about. toilet. paper. I decided right then - FUCK HER. How much longer until I can move the fuck out?

BTW. I am becoming a zen master when it comes to my temper... although I kinda think that I'm going about it the wrong way. Here's my dilenma.... ummm a while ago... I was a raging bitch. Like, no one wanted to be around me. I was rude, crass, and highly disrespectful. (I know, not *me*, right?) BUT, I've learned through the years.. that sometimes, it really is better to keep your mouth shut. You keep things that way...like friends, jobs, places to live, etc. These are important things. But I believe, that I've lost my lady balls. I think that I've gone to the other extreme, where, I'm a door mat... and it's just because I have no idea how to say anything when I feel my temper bubbling up. Like, with the toilet paper thing. When I thought "FUCK her.", I felt my face get red, and my ears started to burn, and I know, that if I would've opened my mouth to say, "I really think you're being unreasonable here, why don't we come to an agreement where you buy the cheaper toilet paper, and I'll make sure the kids aren't shitting too much. (Which sounds fucking ridiculous, but wtfe.)"...and this would've come out. "You are such a FUCKING CHEAP ASS CUNT, DO YOU KNOW THAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW FULL OF FUCKING SHIT YOU ARE????? You nit picking bitch, you are gonna buy that toilet paper, or I will fucking clean your precious tub with that OLD ASS toothbrush that you have!!! I AM DONE PLAYING WITH YOU!" You may be laughing, but I'm very serious, that is what happens. So instead of opening my mouth, even a little. I just walk away, and stop thinking about it, immediately. It never ever gets addressed. There has to be a balance... although I'm sure this broad is probably the last one I need to practice any new zen strategies on...

Everyone. and I mean EVERYONE, her friends, her family, hell even her fucking HUSBAND, told me what a terrible job this would be. I feel like I do just about the same damn level of work every day, and some days I "rock the face" and other days, I didn't do a damn thing right... it's like I fucking roll the dice, and some days, I'm just FUCKED. Oh, added bonus. I KNOW she's already started talking shit behind my back... but that's no surprise, as she does that to everyone.

A little psychology nugget of information, for those that wish to learn it: any time anybody says "I'm the type of person that does/says this..." They're the exact opposite of what they described.
For instance, if I say, "I never lose my temper, ever." That means that I have trouble with my temper.
If I say, "I don't like to argue with people, I'm a real 'people pleaser'", then I would probably be a very argumentative person.
Well, this bitch, the first time I ever met her said my favorite fucking line on the whole God Damned planet: "I hate drama." (Those that say that, start ALLLLLL the drama.) She continues on to say, "I hate fake people, I mean, if I got something to say, I'm gonna say it to your face."..... that told me three things about her right there.

1. She loves to start drama, and keep drama going.
2. She is in some way "fake". Whether it's she says one thing and does another, or maybe she dresses in some way that is "untrue" to her style, whatever. Somewhere in her head, she feels like she is fake.
3. She talks shit behind everyone's back, and there is no way in hell that I could possibly trust her. With anything.

Anyways... I only lost like 2 effin pounds in the last two weeks... now I hate myself... and it's late.. and this whole post is about my cunt boss. Enjoy.

Hello ladies... (and gents) Jo..

It has been so amazingly crazy lately. Lo, for those that want to know, got hitched very recently, so that's why she has not frequented this blog. I really have no excuse, but can you make one up for me? I've been busy... yadda yadda yadda....etc. etc. Anyhoo.

Weight Watchers was working so well, I learned a lot, (General Whatevers chicken is 17 points for a HALF of a cup... I have an obsession with chinese food... see "Ode to Chinese Food" below.) however, my ipod got destroyed by my own stupidity. (Left it on top of the car, and drove the fuck off... yup.) And I then realized that Weight Watchers without the meetings or the portability, was pretty much calorie counting. Still glad I did it, and recommend it to "dieting beginners" especially. So, I'm not paying to count calories anymore.

Ummmm then what happened? Hrmm.. OH! Lo got hitched. I will let her tell you guys all about the JUICY JUICY details... that story has Lifetime all over it... Anyways, the important thing is that she's back in the same city.. sorta. I moved into my new "live in nanny" job April 1, and my "employer", lives about 30 minutes away from Lo. BUT I still get to hang with her soooo often now. In fact, I will see her in less than 12 hours... so excited. She has done amazingly, I can't wait for her to get on and tell you guys all about it.

So, yea, as mentioned before, I moved. The reason I have this live in nanny job, is that there was a huge unit deployed to Iraq recently, and this particular family needs some help while the men are away. Now, I moved in 2 weeks before (We'll call him Jay) Jay got deployed, to learn the ropes, and how to take care of his HOT ass car. (It makes me creamy... soooo creamy.) Now, this whole time, his wife is cooking up a storm of all his favorite shit, and I gotta tell you... THAT was fucking amazing. This woman took the apple pie, did away with all crust, and double the crumbly brown sugar on top, and called it "apple shit". OMF.G. THAT was fucking delicious. So, do you think I lost weight or gained? BUT since then, I've been ok...I guess.

About my new employer... yea.... OK, so she's a big fan of dieting, but she thinks girls that "starve themselves" are idiots. I love elite-ism... so I listen and watch on... Furthermore, watching carbs and calories are not where it's at... you count fat grams to lose weight... stay under 20 fat grams a day. Okay okay... OH, if you have a bad day... just take a laxative... and a diet pill the next day. LMAO. So Let's see.... most of the girls that "starve themselves" are actually just on a restricted caloric diet... super restricted... What did she eat yesterday? Two fruit cups and half of a 200 calorie dinner... yes maim, that qualifies. Fat free isn't calorie free, my dear... for instance... cokes have 0 fat, but are horrid when dieting. It doesn't really matter anyway, because to stay under 20 fat grams, you eat things like, salad, fat free dressing, tuna, yogurt, etc. Ummm... kosher diet food to me. And the bitch is on laxatives and diet pills? Wow, no, honey...you're way better than those girls who STARVE themselves.
All that went out of the window pretty quickly when I noticed a competition forming. She started fucking eating half her dinner and giving me the rest of whatever she ate... It took me a minute to catch on to what she was doing... But it's obvious she wants to somehow "beat" me. So, it's fucking on. This bitch is so going down. This is my strategy. (And forgive my following words... when I compete, I compete to win, at all costs. Winning really is everything, your mom lied to you.)
She has weak knees, and a job painting all day, so she never works out at home. I started doing some weights during the day when she can't see me, and I'm gonna start cardio without her monday. She claims to not eat during the day, so neither will I. Cokes and sugar is done. If she wants to go eat out.. I will not participate.. I will watch her get fat. She is constantly wearing clothes that show her little weight loss... which is good for me, because I see exactly what I need to beat. I will wear baggy, ugly clothes, and make myself look like shit all the time. Her husband is coming for a visit in the middle of June... I will choose then to unveil my results with a hot fucking outfit. Then, I'm sure the competition will intensify.
Don't look at me like that, she started it. And I'm kinda glad she did, cause now... I really won't eat. Seriously.
There's so much more to this story... Lol, I could write for forever about this... but I have to get started on my weekend... I have a weigh in tomorrow morning... better be good.


Love,

Jo

Ok. Operation be a real girl again has commenced. Things I need to be a real person again:
Car
Phone
Job
Man (Optional)

It's obvious that I can't depend on everyone else to get, keep, use a gym membership, and no one diets like lo and I do... I've never been one to depend on any fucking body, so why start now? With no real vehicle, or a lot of money, I've decided that the best option, that actually does fucking work, and is versatile enough to work with me is Weight Watchers. Thank you Jennifer Hudson. I'm paying for school from now on.... it took me a month to save enough to sign up.

I'm saving up starting with my move in April, and in one year, will have my own vehicle.

With a vehicle in my possession, it's easy to get a job. A career will be in order. I will start school... probably getting a two year degree. Don't even get me started on how fucking done I am with school.

I decided a long time ago that I was not in the position to date anyone without that list of things, and any guy that was interested in me when I had nothing to offer, was probably not worth my time. I figured to get the kind of guy I want, I need to lose weight. I don't need to be my goal weight, but I do need to be thin-er. None of this has really mattered until the past couple of weeks/months. Until then, I've been mostly motivated by the concept of sex, and it's scary to report that focus is shifting towards the dreaded L word. And no, not lesbian. Anyways, it's shifting, and for the first time since high school, I actually want a relationship. No, it has nothing to do with the fact that I turn 25 in two or three weeks.... nothing to do with that at all...

To be continued...

Lo here,

So, Jo and I are on a 30 day diet, and we're giving this diet our all! Day 5 and no slips. In all fairness, it's a very simple diet to follow. It's pretty much the ABC for 30 days instead of 50, higher calories (averaging at 500, but still varying from 350 to 800), and the last day is a fast day. The rules are simple:

1)Fruits and veggies are free calories, they do NOT count towards your daily allowance!

2) If you go over, you must work off the difference, in addition to 30 minutes of cardio 5 times a week.

3) If you need to change the rules or switch the calories on one day to another, you have to think about it for a full 24 hours before you may make the changes!

4) You must keep a food journal and weigh in every day.

You can make your own calorie chart easily enough, just start with a basic amount of calories, and go up and down every day, shaking up your metabolism! So easy to follow, too, because if you eat all your calories and are still hungry, eat an entire bag of lettuce or broccoli. I've lost 4 lbs, and that as of the morning of the 5th day. I'm confident that we'll do extremely well on this plan. Wish me luck!

Love

Lo

Hola all!

We have no readers, so it's no use apologizing to anyone for being gone so long. My computer has been fucked up, so suck it, bitch.

Anyways, so Lo and I essentially started our new thirty day diet. I excited, but tired. All I can hear is "Anchors Away!". It's gay, but then again, aren't we all just a little gay?

JO

Lo here,

Firstly, my stats for the day:

Weight: 218.4

Calories: no idea, but too many!

So, a friend of mine moved away today, and I'm pretty sad about it. I didn't go crazy with the bad food or anything, but I did have fried fish for dinner, so I've got to be extra good for the next few days...That's about it for now!

Love

Lo